Watching Twilight For the First Time Part 4

• Movie #4.

• Why’d they invite Jacob to the wedding? That’s super weird. Also why did Jacob take off his shirt and not his shorts? My theory that there are extra shorts stashed all over the woods isn’t sounding too shabby now.

• I really wish they had included the scene where they told Charlie they were getting married.

• Bella’s mom is way too happy about the wedding. She’s not a good parent like Charlie is.

• Those are some uber tall heels to “break in” when you’re not used to wearing heels.

• Ew Bella’s putting on sneakers without socks.

• She should be more surprised when Edward silently surprises her in her bedroom.

• Her dream is a nightmare not because of the bodies but because all the guests were wearing white.

• I wonder if Rosalie and Emmet and Alice and Jasper are married because I’d imagine they’re “old fashioned” too and would want to get married but there’s no mention of it.

• Bella’s mom is just like “how cute they have a picture of tons of graduation caps and not weird that they have no many!”

• I love how Alice invited people Bella doesn’t know.

• Anna Kendrick be right for suspecting Bella is pregnant.

• Why did Bella dream about a different wedding dress than her own?

• No wonder Bella had to wear those giant heels, her dress would drown her if she didn’t. Why didn’t she get it hemmed?

• Geez Bella at least try to look happy. This is your wedding day after all.

• I hate her dress.

• I also the bridesmaids dresses

• I do like Bella’s hair

• Bella’s “friends” (who she never spent any time with) are so awkward.

• Bella ruined Charlie’s relationship with Billy because she broke Jacob’s heart. She’s the worst.

• Emmett’s joke is so...awkward….well delivered

• Anna Kendrick’s toast is even more awkward than Emmett’s.

• Okay’s everyone’s toasts are so awkward. I mean, the mom sings to her.

• Jasper always has the most amazing posture.

• Edward is very happy and so I’m happy for him. For once he’s not brooding. Even if his smile looks unnatural.

• People trying to dance and failing is hardcore accurate except Jasper and Alice who learned to dance when people still knew how.

• Edward invited the guy who’s obsessed with his new wife to the wedding and then left him alone with said new wife. How is that a good idea?

• No one dances as close as Jacob and Bella dance at her wedding except couples.

• Taylor Lautner looks like a sexy pirate at the wedding. I don’t know why. Something about his scruff.

• “This is how I’m going to remember you” In a wedding dress after marrying someone else?

• Bella’s wearing white tennis shoes. I mean, it’s fine that she changed shoes for after the actual ceremony but A) if I didn’t notice until Jacob spun her around, who would’ve noticed during the ceremony and B) What is her secret to keeping those shoes so white? She just walked through the greenery to meet Jacob!

• Why is vampire sex so hilariously dangerous?

• Um...the werewolves are wearing shirts and long pants. How am I supposed to tell them apart from the vampires now?

• Seth is adorable.

• So Alice packed her stuff so that the “surprise” honeymoon wouldn’t be ruined I guess. I wouldn’t like that

• Alice’s outfit is so awesome. She’s really rocking the 20s look.

• Bella. Is. The. Worst. She is doing Charlie wrong and she’s a selfish jerk to leave him forever.

• Jacob needs to get over Bella like yesterday. Also since all the wolves communicate telepathically does that mean they’re all hearing Jacob’s moanings over Bella?

• They’re going to the same place that Edward moped at during their year of separation.

• Carlisle bought Esme an island? They are so freaking rich.

• What’s the point of the island having a house with a bed? Vampires don’t sleep.

• They didn’t bring that much luggage. I wonder how long they’re staying.

• She didn’t shave until she was ON her honeymoon.

• Bella accurately portrays how I’ll probably act on my wedding night so that’s too bad.

• Okay I hate it in movies when guys tell women they’re beautiful after they’ve gotten naked.

• Edward’s like “if this doesn’t work” and I finish “then Bella will die?” Isn’t that what Jacob said?

• This is the tamest sx scene I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of tame sex scenes. Isn’t vampire sex supposed to be crazy and violent? And from this- somehow- many erotic fanfictions were born.

• They still have the WORST chemistry. Do they even love each other?

• Why are there so many chess scenes?

• Why is the main conflict so far: “main characters can’t have sex because one might kill the other”?

• Seth is a GREAT friend. He’s still listening to Jacob mope about Bella. True friendship right there.

• All the single werewolves just depressed because they’re not in love is hilarious. Also Leah speaks true facts.

• Leah and Jacob should’ve ended up together. She’s dope.

• The werewolf soccer game ended really quickly in favor of all the couples canoodling.

• What would Twilight be if we didn’t watch Edward watch Bella as she sleeps.

• Why’d Edward leave a note if he thought he’d be back from his run before Bella woke up?

• The “immediately knowing you’re pregnant” cliche was born from this movie. And she got pregnant after two weeks? She is very fertile. Also, she fit all of her stuff for two+ weeks in that tiny suitcase.

• She hasn’t even taken a test yet and she’s feeling movement. Also you don’t even know you’re preggo for the first month. Also it’s more likely to be a parasite at this point.

• So vampires don’t pump blood and female vampires can’t get pregnant. But male vampires can still impregnate people? How does that work and/or make sense?

• I love how in movies people still introduce themselves over the phone like caller ID doesn’t exist.

• Loving the random two week time jump.

• Bella looks awful.

• This movie about vampires has an abortion debate.

• So if they turn Bella into a vampire now will she be stuck pregnant forever or something? Is that why they have to wait?

• Jacob’s lines are suddenly so cheesy.

• The scene with the werewolves all speaking to each other is literally so stupid looking.

• Did Jacob, Seth, and Leah go home to get clothes before going to the Cullens or did they dip into the stash that’s clearly hidden around the woods?

• What’re the limitations for this telecommunication thing? Can Seth pick and choose who he talks to? Is that why Leah can still hear him?

• So Leah didn’t “decide to leave” until after she met up with Seth and Jacob?

• I still think Leah and Jacob should be together. Her hatred could be a front for secret true love.

• There have been so many different pop songs in the last twenty minutes. They are getting out of control.

• Bella just looks so bad. I am pro life but when a baby is literally killing you…

• The build up to Bella taking a single sip of blood is the most drawn out scene I’ve ever witnessed.

• Okay, Edward’s description of Bella as “pure” and “good” and “happy” don’t describe anyone in the movie but Seth.

• Renesmee is the worst baby name ever. Also it should be a clear warning that you would name your son after a guy who’s madly in love with you.

• So after Edward literally rips her open with his teeth, he and Jacob just leave Bella bleeding on the table. No wonder she almost dies.

• Why and how does Edward have his venom in a giant syringe?

• Why does it take so long for the venom to work?

• Again, in this movie vampires don’t have fangs so it’s just human people biting other human people.

• AHHHHHHHHHHHHH the baby is horrifying!!!

• Jacob imprinting on a baby is the weirdest plot twist I have ever seen.

• This movie is so dragged out.