Watching Twilight For the First Time Part 2

• slowest....reveal....of....a....title....ever....

• Every time a stupid teen romance story tries to compare itself with Romeo and Juliet I throw up in my mouth

• Did Edward park across three parking spaces in the school parking lot? What an ahole

• Taylor Lautner's wig is just as bad in this movie

• So the love triangle begins

• The English teacher mouthing the words along with the Romeo and Juliet movie is the most accurate thing in this movie

• Disclaimer because the movie apparently doesn't know this fact: Romeo didn't kill Juliet.

• The vampire family calls each other brother and sister but they're all dating each other

• Vampires show up in pictures in this movie

• HOW DOES SHE DRAW BLOOD FROM A PAPER CUT?

• I want four movies on the vampire family not Edward and Bella bs. The weird family dynamic is so much better

• Edward: "If I were normal I wouldn't have to fight the urge to kill you" Bella: "I don't want normal. I want you"

• #healthyrelationship

• I could fit right in with the vampire family. I'm pale and seclusive enough

• Oh she bent a photograph and I cringed so hard

• Okay so the Cullens leave Forks because apparently people are starting to notice that Carlisle looks ten years younger than his supposed age. But they've only been living there for a few years because the kids barely look young enough to be in high school. Basically my point is that this excuse is stupid and the director needs to learn math. 

• What a kind, loving boyfriend Edward is, just abandoning Bella in the woods by herself

• Oh my gosh Bella is such a pansy. She needs to get over herself. 

• Charlie is such a good dad.

• Okay in the middle of this movie Anna Kendrick wonders if zombie movies are a representation of people with leprosy or the dangers of consumerism. Is that a thing? I thought zombie movies were zombie movies, no deeper meaning.

• She's walking down a dark alley toward drunk bikers who are catcalling her. Does she want to die?

• SHE GOT ON A MOTORCYCLE WITH ONE OF THE DRUNK BIKERS AND RODE OFF INTO THE DARK NIGHT

• And then he....he...just let her get off when she wanted to. What a strangely considerate drunk biker

• Taylor Lautner's hair is just so bad

• Bella very recklessly threw a piece of pizza across the room and I cannot forgive her for that.

• I’m loving this Dear Alice-position

• She's weirded out that Jacob is a year younger than her but not that Edward is 100 years older than her.

• I feel like it’s unhealthy that Bella’s having traumatizing nightmares about Edward leaving. Also that she’s going out of her way to do dangerous things so she can see him. That’s so bad. 

• Charlie is the best dad. 

• How could she make out Sam Uly from that far distance?

• It’s a little weird to me that Jacob has no idea his tribe is made up of werewolves yet he knows that they’re enemies with the Cullens, who are vampires. Does he know they’re vampires or does he just think they hate the Cullens for no reason?

• I love how Edward is just running Bella’s life even though he broke up with her and is no longer in it.

• Oh Jacob’s first shirtless scene. 

• Not gonna lie, right at this moment, I’m Team Jacob. He’s closer to her age, he’s not controlling (yet), most of his lines aren’t super cringey, and he doesn’t want to kill her everytime she bleeds.

• Jacob: What are you staring at?  Bella: You’re kind of beautiful. AH! What is that line? Jacob had a good reaction to it. 

• Oh good, Bella’s trying to be part of society again. That’s a good sign

• Mike’s like, now that you’ve barely gotten over the boyfriend that you mourned for months, you wanna go out with me?

• Love Spelled Backwards is Love and Face Punch? Really? Those are the titles? The characters even see uncomfortable saying them.

• Age to see R rated movies is 17 so actually that was an incorrectly used insult.

• Loving that Burger King product placement 

• The guys both have their hands upward on the armrests! That’s actually so funny! She should’ve just taken both their hands. 

• I don’t get why every male character just throws themselves at Bella. She’s not that pretty, she’s not flirtatious, and she doesn’t have a personality. She’s boring. Also she is just barely getting over Edward. I feel like they need to back off. She’ll decide when she’s ready to date again.

• That being said, Bella’s acting like she’ll never get over Edward. She should. Eventually. Like a few months. 

• Man, did everyone get food poisoning from the cafeteria food?

• Jacob shirtless scene number two. Just walking around. In the rain. Shirtless. That’s normal.

• Bella left her car door open when it was raining!

• Oooh I’m loving Jacob’s new haircut. 

• *gasp* Jacob DOES know that the Cullens are vampires! But that’s probably because he’s post-werewolf now. 

• I love how Jacob’s only example of the “everyone” Bella’s lying too is Charlie. Also, yeah, Bella should be honest to Charlie because he’s awesome.

• Bella needs non supernatural friends. 

• Billy’s kind of a snoop/gossip. But he’s a dad so he’s one of the best characters in the movie. 

• The vampire sparkle thing is hilarious. They took away vampires’ fangs and instead made them sparkle. Very scary. 

• I’m an hour into this movie and 90% of it has been Bella crying over Edward.

• Assuming Edward’s at like a new high school or something, what does it look like when he pops out of nowhere to see Bella? And how does he know when she’s in danger? Is he remotely spying on her all the time? 

• Bella’s a coward. She’s just letting herself be killed. Fight back! Also the Cullens are idiots to leave Bella behind when Victoria’s still out there.

• Werewolves in this movie are so different from traditional werewolves. Can they just change whenever they want?

• Harry’s like “crap….”

• What’s with Bella’s weird Victoria flashes? Does she suddenly have Alice powers?

• Jacob shirtless scene number 3. Also why don’t they wear shirts? I don’t get it. 

• Jacob goes for a shirtless hug and Bella stops him by touching his abs. Is there anymore I need to say?

• I love Bella’s obvious bite mark scar. Seriously, how does she explain that to people?

• How would Jacob and Bella running away together help the situation?

• Shirtless hug and she’s holding her hands so weird like she doesn’t want to touch him. I mean, I wouldn’t want to touch his probably sweaty bare back either. 

• “I can’t tell you my secret but I’ll give you lots of clues”.

• Slapping a buff, angry, shirtless, jean-shorts-clad man seems like a good idea.

• Apparently they low key want Bella to get torn to shreds by Paul because they’re just backing up. 

• I’m confused. I thought she knew Jacob was a werewolf when she went over there.

• Do they have to get new jean shorts every time they transform?

• The muffins they eat are huge!

• How can werewolves be faster than vampires? Vampires move at a blur.

• JACOB’S WEARING A SHIRT

• Sam and Emily. Another coupe who’s better than Bella and anyone.

• Paul’s just like “sorry for trying to kill you. We cool?” 

• Loving the weird LGBT metaphor conversation

• Bella: don’t kill the vampire who’s trying to kill me!

• So Edward’s car is part of the vision?

• Not seeing any evidence that werewolves are faster than vampires.

• So Bella’s thought process is “Jacob said he’d take care of Victoria and I want to see Edward so I’m going to jump off a cliff.”

• Bella’s wearing the wrong clothes for cliff jumping. Also she dumb.

• So Bella hit her head or something...but what happened with Victoria? Did she just swim away?

• No!!! Harry!!!

• Why didn’t Victoria attack?

• “You’re like your own sun.” Am I just over sensitive or is Bella SO BAD AT FLIRTY?

• You’d think stalker Edward would know his (ex) girlfriend almost kissed someone else

• Alice briefly joins the dads in “best characters” for berating Bella for being an idiot

• Why would Rosalie tell Edward that they thought Bella was dead until they were positive.

• Edward’s just chilling in Brazil apparently.

• Edward’s just as bad as Bella. Although he’s a little more justified since she’s the first person he’s fallen in love with in 100 years. Just a little. 

• Alice’s powers are so selective.

• I can’t believe people find Edward and Bella romantic. 

• Is it ever explained why Bella is so special?

• Two tests and they’ve decided she’s immune to everything

• The final battle in this one is so much weirder than the first one

• Why aren’t any of the other vampires helping to kill Edward or Bella? They’re just standing there. And why isn’t Bella doing anything to try to help.

• Either one of their deaths will guarantee the other with how dependent they are so self sacrifice means nothing. 

• Why didn’t Alice tell the rest of the family before they left what was going on so they could help?

• There’s a lot of tourists that are supposedly going to get eaten and I just feel like that’s not very conspicuous. 

• I love when Edward watches Bella as she sleeps. It’s so not creepy.

• Carlisle is back! I’ve missed him this movie. 

• Rosalie calls Bella brave. HA!

• I feel like it’s so obvious how the “love triangle” is going to end