Reacting to Watching Twilight For the First Time Part 5

• The last movie is upon me. It has been a long journey.

• I’m not loving the full opening credits at the beginning.

• Poor Robert Pattinson. He was the best of these actors and he was spoiled in this horrible movie. I’m glad he was cast as Batman. Hopefully he’ll be able to break out of Twilight.

• Bella seeing the flower bloom doesn’t make any sense, the flower should be blooming slowly so her moving fast will just make it bloom more slowly, from her perspective.

• I love how this movie just throws you into the middle, just expecting you to know exactly what’s going on.

• Is that mountain climber climbing without a rope? He deserves what almost happened to him.

• The effects in this movie are worse than the others.

• How is Bella not drenched in blood from the cougar?

• But why is Bella special? Is that ever explained?

• Jacob’s sudden feelings for Renesmee is just so odd.

• AGH! Scary baby. That look could scare Chucky; it's so creepy. The doll they probably used as a stand in probably looked better than that CGI baby.

• I mean, the characters themselves understand how weird it is that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. Why didn’t Stephanie Meyer just write this differently, maybe so he didn’t fall in love with a baby?

• I love how Edward took the baby away from Bella before Jacob told her, probably so Bella wouldn’t throw her.

• Bella has an appropriate reaction to Jacob imprinting on a baby.

• I feel like “Nessie” is a fine nickname for Renesmee so maybe Bella overreacted about that. Also she hurt Seth and it’s good she apologized because that is not okay. He’s better than all of them.

• Wait wait wait wait wait wait. So Jacob loved Bella because eventually she would give birth to Renesmee? That...doesn’t make any sense.

• Did they build Edward and Bella’s new house or did they kick someone else out of it?

• Weird design that the closet leads into the bedroom instead of the other way around.

• More tame dissolves. Also...um...is anyone going to acknowledge when suddenly a burst of gold erupted around Bella. Like what was that?

• Why’d they build a fire if they don’t need warmth?

• I feel really bad for Rosalie. We know she was a romantic and that she just wanted a normal family. We know she really wanted to be a mom. She obviously adores Renesmee and is spending more time with her than Bella is. Maybe she and Emmett should adopt or foster or something. She obviously really craves it.

• Poor Charlie!!! It is not fair that Charlie should lose Bella because she’s totally selfish. He loves her so much.

• Go Jacob!!! I’m honestly so glad he’s telling Charlie a pseudo-truth.

• Charlie: “Jacob, put your clothes back on”= the greatest thing anyone has ever said in this movie.

• How do vampires function in this universe? How do they exist? They don’t have heartbeats, they don’t breathe, they don’t blink. I don’t get it.

• Charlie’s been calling twice a day while her mom isn’t even mentioned. It’s pretty clear who Bella should’ve been living with all this time.

• Bella’s such a jerk to Charlie. He’s so worried about her while she’s just stiff and cold towards him. He’s too good for her.

• Again, why is Bella so special and better than the rest of them? She’s basically taking away the one part of their identity that’s different from the others.

• Bella’s line about not being human anymore sounds better suited for the end of a movie or right before the opening sequence, which has already happened, not thirty minutes into the movie.

• How is Jacob going to have this “epic romance” with a girl who’s aging decades in months?

• More of Edward playing the piano is exactly what this series needed.

• What??? The Canadian girl is a traitor??? What???

• The most Twilight scene in the entire series is all the vampires plus Jacob watching Edward teach Renesmee how to play the piano while Carlisle and Renee play chess and Alice carries a huge breakable item so she can have a vision and promptly break it.

• Where’s the line of “children”? Like 8? Is it accountability?

• Their plan makes 0 sense. All they have to do is delay the Volturi long enough to show Renesmee growing.

• Um, WHAT? Alice and Jasper LEFT?

• Alice literally left zero instructions so I’m not sure what’s so clear to Bella.

• Why does Bella say Renesmee communicates through touching people’s faces when we clearly heard her talk in the car?

• WHAT IS RAMI MALEK DOING IN THIS MOVIE??? HE IS WAY TOO GOOD FOR THE LIKES OF THEM!

• There is no rhyme or reason to the vampire powers

• Emmett’s vampire friend is like an old weird version of Klaus from Umbrella Academy.

• I love watching the Quills spontaneously combust into wolves.

• Why did Bella have a vampire gift before she even talked to Edward?

• Werewolf training camp with Jacob

• Woopa?

• Cliche Alert: a circle of characters standing in turn to declare their allegiance to the main cause.

• Why is Aro’s army taking so long?

• I’m loving Carlisle’s mopey British friend.

• Do they still need to like clean themselves because otherwise that’s kind of gross.

• Um…………………………..how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how is Charlie not totally suspicious at how much Renesmee has aged since he last saw her?

• Also is it not weird to Charlie at how much Jacob is hanging around Renesmee?

• WHAT IS THE BLACK GUY FROM JACK RYAN DOING IN THIS MOVIE?

• Bella keeps saying “Alice” and “clear” like Alice isn’t totally confusing all the time.

• I thought the Volturi were going to attack when the first snow fell? Clearly that didn’t happen.

• Charlie’s got a girlfriend!!!!! He deserves it more than anyone!

• Why is the first snowfall of the year in December? They live in Washington!

• I love how bitter the Translevanians are that they are no longer the head vampires.

• The final battle is upon us.

• Is Carlisle wearing a vest? Man, I love this guy.

• Shouldn’t Aro know that Rensmee isn’t an Immortal now?

• I love how vampires apparently turn to porcelain after they’re turned.

• For some reason, Aro really wants a battle. Also he has an odd obsession with Alice.

• AHHHHHHHHHH CARLISLE NOOOOOOOOOO

• WAIT NO JASPER

• For being immortal, they are very fragile.

• WAIT, which wolf died? Was it Seth? It better not have been Seth.

• Did Leah just die? Which wolf is which?

• Alice in beast mode, just taking everyone out to get to Jane.

• Jane is very helpless without her powers.

• Dang Sam really wanted to kill Jane.

• That one Volturi was very much over life.

• Bella and Edward couple fighting together.

• ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT FAKE-OUT?????????

• Did they not have these other vampires from the start? What was the point of the whole fake out thing?

• What are the Volturi not forgiving?

• Okay I’m more onboard with Jacob as a big brother protector since she’s obviously going to outlive him while he ages normally so they can’t really be together.

• Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why would Jacob ask to call Edward “dad”? That is not funny. C’mon man, I was almost on your side.

• Never mind looks like they’re gonna be a couple. I’m disturbed again.

• Breaking Dawn presents: a montage of the previous four movies.

• Eventually Bella and Edward are going to hate each other.

• I started this series ironically. I ended it unironically. I got way more into these movies than I thought I was going to.